Out sheer boredom and procrastination on my thesis proposal - which I still haven't finished - I went through some online ads. Don't get me wrong. I'm in no inclination to look for someone. I read the ads sometimes to get a few laughs. Unfortunately, most of the ads make me sick. All about no-strings, paid girls, married girls, and some weird shit. Whatever happened to putting an ad for the purpose of meeting someone you want to be with and have a future with?
Those ads are too few and far in between the junk. That's why I got rather sick of the online thing. Despite saying I'm looking for a long-term thing and marriage, I still got the weirdest propositions and rather crude and vulgar responses. As well as rather cruel and mean ones. I don't get it. If you don't like the ad, don't reply. Why send a message belittling the person who wrote the ad?
Although some of the ads I saw did make me want to hit the 'Reply' button just to give them a piece of my mind. Some were just filth. And alot of married men looking for discreet stuff. Some even wanted a 'halal' thing or a Mut'ah, which disgusts me. In brief, it's a contract marriage that is temporary and dissolves on expiration. It allows Muslims to have sex under the pretext of a 'halal' marriage. I understand there are some rules and such that makes it a necessity, like being able to cohabit platonically with a marriageable woman without sex. But most times, it's abused and used to satisfy the lust of men, the same way polygamy in Islam is abused.
I understand and accept that polygamy and the Mut'ah are necessary - but in special circumstances and as a last solution. However, I personally would never want to be 'temporarily' married. It's a moot point since I've dated and already sinned in the intimacy department - so why bother trying to be all halal now? Second point - I would never, ever, EVER share my man. Even if I was infertile (which is a possibility). I would rather divorce him and leave him free to find fertile, nubile things than to share my house and man with another woman.
Why is it always ok for a man to leave his woman because she can't have kids? Even understandable by some. You married the woman because you loved her - I'm hoping that's the main reason. No matter what religion you are, you marry someone for sickness and in health. Which includes being barren. So where are your promises of being with her through it all? Invalid because you cannot continue the line and produce an heir?
Oh and also a woman being blamed for having too many daughters. The irony of it all is that the sex is determined by the father, not the mother. So if any fingers need to be pointed at, it should be at the father. Apparently, he shot up too many X-chromosome sperms to have a girl. And the importance of having a BOY as your heir. Apparently, girls can't really be good enough to be the heir(ess).
However should the situation be reversed, it is unthinkable for a woman to remarry or divorce someone because the man is infertile. How could she be so selfish to leave a poor, crippled man? How can she leave the love of her life? What a slut.
NOBODY LOVES NIGERIA
8 hours ago
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9 lovers/haters:
Hmm, well Polygamy is a complicated subject, and my opinion is that, while you're being honest, you're oversimplifying it somewhat.
We shall discuss this over Krispy Kreme.
M
Yuck. Sounds like dating in UAE is the same as here. And it sounds like the reasons for leaving a marriage are the same as well. I guess as different as some cultures are, human nature is basically the same. Sucky.
I think Karen summarized it well by saying that human nature is the same everywhere.
As for polygamy and temporary marriage, I have very strong opinions on the subject and would rather not voice them because it would take forever. Let's just say I have very strong opinions on organized religion in general. Women have been belittled from day one and unlike you, I do not see a temporary marriage legitimate even as a last resort. It is an insult to womanhood, as is forced marriage and polygamy. These practices reinstate, strengthen and solidify male supremacy and lead to lower literacy levels among females in some societies. These practices are, in my humble opinion, catalysts to crimes against humanity. Read about the eight-year old Saudi girl who is trying to get a divorce from a 47-year old pedophile husband. That is just one case that has managed to make it to the mainstream media.
As for being critical of daughters, that is the outcome of a mind nurtured by ignorance. When you are raised in a society with limited literacy and marked by male supremacy, these customs are handed from father to son. They are an ugly reality of many parts of the world, in particular developing Asia. Female infanticide is a significant problem in India, TODAY. Across the border, in Pakistan's tribal belt, rape can potentially be a punishment doled out by "judges". The world is not a very pretty place when it comes to these issues. Women should be respected for being what they are i.e. WOMEN. They are the other half of what makes us human and they play the role of a mother, something we men can not even come close to.
Gosh I sound like such a pussy ^^
I've heard about the mut'ah. Is it recognised by mainstream Islam or is it more of a Shia practice?
AD blogger, Bridget is impressed by your stand!
@mali:
Krispy Kremes it is.
@karen:
cheating and lying are universal. So is lust. it does suck.
@ADB:
you aren't a pussy for standing up to crap like this. just shows you're a better person - and man.
@bridget:
i'm not quite sure about it, but i think it is discouraged and unlawful in islam, but some shias practice it.
Hey!
Firstly, I didn't know that a thing like mut‘ah existed... and quite frankly I am shocked with the 'temporary' nature! I am sure there is more to it than that! :O
Secondly, one of the points you make is so spot on - a guy marries a woman for the love that he has for her. With all due respect to anyones views - sometimes you cannot have children, it's something unfortunate. For sure it does not mean that divorce is an option. I also don't think polygamy (in whatever circumstance, is an option). I also think that adoption is a very very viable option, both in the case of no child, or only daughters for example; there are a looooooooot of kids without parents, who have been abandoned etc, why not provide them with a decent life?
At the end of the day, what is more important - having a child, or having your blood flowing through their veins? I may be straying away from the principles and laws of the religion (Islam in my case), but I think sometimes we have look at religion 'logically' and apply it to the times in which we live in.
I know one thing for sure - given an opportunity and circumstance, I aim to adopt and raise a child in my own household, inshallah.
@biscuit:
adoption is indeed something i would love to do, regardless of being married or not, own kids or not.
and the best solution if you really want kids. but i disagree with adopting for the sake of having a boy. what is wrong with having daughters? is someone so desperate for sons that even a stranger is better than his own blood, even though it is feminine?
@mars
Not suggesting adopting boys for the sake of having boys ;)
I guess I am trying to say that a lot of men/failies add to the population trying to produce a boy, and then create stupid family situations when they end up having a girl. The answer in a situation like that is adopt a boy, don't add one more to the population (as much as having a girl is a joy - it doesnt always work in all places, no?)
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