I spent the weekend rather timidly - no 'girls gone wild' thing, not that I ever was that kind to begin with.
Met up with my neighbour, aka my 'culture vulture' buddy, and headed to MoE to find a dress for my upcoming b'day bash. As usual, nothing I tried at most stores fit me - especially around my boobs. The dress would fit right everywhere but get stuck around my girls, and then it would take me another 10 minutes trying to squeeze out of them. I apparently have grown beyond the normal 16/18 size that stores carry.
Finally found something at Splash in the plus-size section. At size 22. The dress was pretty, but not exactly in my color, but I got fed up and it did the job so I paid and left. I am rather depressed about my weight. But I have also been under a lot of stress and just been eating and eating. Apparently, those did go into my gut and my hips don't lie.
My head knows it, my body feels it, yet my mouth doesn't seem to get the message yet. I just eat and eat. It's like I see the train wreck happening, but I don't do anything to stop it. Thre are days where I naturally switch to healthy and eat nothing but grains, veggies, fruits and what not, and then fly off the deep end and go for salty, fried things. Luckily I'm not much of a sweet tooth, but I can't resist having things like fries, nuggets and the savoury, salty and/or sour things. I just crave it so much that I finally give in to my urges. And I crave for meat - like a nice rib-eye, or a juicy burger - something umami I guess.
Frightening me with medical facts and what will happen if I continue don't really motivate me. Rather, it alternates between defiance or a sense of 'I'm going to die anyway, so why not enjoy' futility. Showing me a smoker's lungs won't put me off smoking (and I'm not much of a smoker anyway). I don't know what will motivate me. Not fitting into store clothes depress me, and definitely do not motivate me. I just end up sticking to jeans and hoodies cos that's all that will fit me. Lol, I suppose I might put some pedal to the medal if I find out I have difficulty in errr, ummm, trying certain 'positions' because my gut gets in the way. It worked once, but then I realized it was really because he was umm, too small, and had nothing to do with my weight.
I need to lose weight. And fast.
NOBODY LOVES NIGERIA
8 hours ago
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5 lovers/haters:
Forget about the health issues with smoking. It smells, makes your teeth yellow and gives you wrinkles. How about that one?
Weight is always an issue in the life of a female. The overeating is usually anxiety driven AND the food is yummy. Appeals to the caveman instinct. The under eating about control etc..
It takes about 8 weeks to push past the addictive aspect of food. And food is addictive. Not just about will power, the body loves it. It is a lifelong thing, the having to restrain yourself.
Exercise, as awful as it seems, is a great, great thing to make you aware of what your body needs.
MJ, I really feel for you. I have, in my life, had a poor relationship with my body (too fat, too thin), food etc. and it has take me to the age of 45 to be okay with it all. I have to confess that exercise and the awareness of just how efficient food is did the trick.
Oh, yeah, and my husband once took a photo of me in my underwear. I was surprised at how I looked (was plain old fat).
Hey MJ, I have an award for you to collect.
I have the same problem: shirts fit me everywhere but the boobs so I end up buying one or two sizes bigger than my real body size just to accomodate the giants.
If you really want to lose weight...keep the breasts, lose the other parts... oh and keep the butt. :D
I always feel curvy women are more appealing than sticks.
Don't be unhealthy, but don't be a skeleton!!!
I don't know what to tell you other than I have felt the same way in my life. We try to convince ourselves that it is defiance, but in reality it is plain old self destructiveness. I've found that I'm still fighting it. No matter how much we convince ourselves that we like ourselves now, that old self destructiveness creeps up on us and takes over at times.
If we can find a way to combat that, and REALLY beleive that we are worthy of living a clean healthy, good life, then we can beat that. it is empowering, and addictive. Living well is the best revenge on that nasty little gremlin in our head. It's not easy, but it can be done.
I know you will be ok. You have lots of people who care about you, even if they are not physically in your life. We care about you and what happens to you.
Take care, girl. When you start eating healthier, THAT will become a new but healthy addiction that your body will soon adjust to. Better than that, your mind will begin to adjust to it too.
When you get to be my age, you'll find that your body will rebel against fatty fried things anyway, and will make you sick. To me, the stomach ache isn't worth the moment on the lips. OUCH.
It all begins with you changing your mindset and beginning to see yourself as worthy of good health and well being. Much easier said than done, as I struggle with it every day.
@linda:
i just realised it's alot easier to not eat and eat grainy food when my nose is blocked *sniff*
@d:
oh i do want my curves - just lose my perpetually pregnant-looking stomach.
@karen:
i'm starting to get migraines when i OD on fried, salty things so maybe my body is telling me to knock it off.
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