Devdas(i)...

Another two weeks till my big vacation.....

That aside, I've been feeling a bit restless. Excited. I'm doing something totally out of my comfort zone, spontaneous even. Just something a little crazy. I'm not going to say what it is though until later date, but I know it will definitely be great, fun and exciting.

As for P - C'est la vie. I guess I'm at this point where I'm in so much pain that I'm just numb. Pleasantly, comfortably numb. Not looking forward to the time when it will wear off and the pain will come back. I just keep kicking myself - I'm so stupid. I blew it. I'm too late.

There's still a part of me that's telling me it's not over - there's syill a chance, still a hope till December. If I use my guile, cunning, whatever arsenal in my toolkit, perhaps I might just....

Then I realize this ain't no rom-com. There is no happy ending and I'm not Julia Roberts. Plus, I've laid all my cards on the table now, bared my all to him. If he says it's too late, then it is. I don't want to humiliate myself any further, nor be more desperate than I already feel inside. I don't want that last shred of dignity left in me to be overtaken by the desperation I feel inside.

In pure hamming-Bollywood style, this is how I feel:

To put a bit of perspective into the video for the initiated,the guy in the white is Devdas. He's arrived too late - his childhood friend and love, Paro (the bride) is getting married. So he witnesses the marriage, heartbroken.

I guess you can figure out which character in the story I am.